March 12, 2012: the Distribution

Let me put it to you this way and you can tell me if you’d go about things differently.  We decided to do a distribution of soap and salt to a very poor settlement.  Just something that might be a gesture of goodwill to help those who suffer under such taxing poverty.  We asked someone to go and count the number of households in the village yesterday so that we would know how much supply to purchase.  So far everything is sounding quite good.  You could say - organized.  A couple of the ladies who work at the baby home, who are from this village, came with us.  They would take us to each home and we’d present out gift.  The volunteer Ugandan who was our coordinator, translator, and the counter of the homes, was also present.  This was a smart looking operation.  We purchased the supplies with a kind of precision.  I even used the calculator option on my phone to make sure we had the right amount of bars and bags.  We allowed for the possibility that the count was too low and that we’d need a little extra.  We went equipped to supply 100 homes.  I had to / got to use the four wheel drive function on the vehicle for the first time.  The road ended before the village started and we had to go over a very bumpy field.  I was quite pleased with the performance of the vehicle and that it was fun and impressed the kids didn’t hurt. 

This is where things start to unravel a bit.  I looked out on the village made up of mud homes and they were not lined up in subdivisions with clearly marked numbers.  They were scattered, jammed, spread out, one here and one there, two attached to each other, some across a stream, some just near, and others over the hill.  I asked our man how we were going to systematize the distribution so that we could go in two teams of two (volunteer Lynn with one of the ladies and I with the other) and each cover separate areas.  The communications became unclear at this point.  Some general comments were made about the ladies knowing each of the homes and they would go ‘that way’ and we would go ‘this way’.  I had an uneasy feeling.

Home by home we gave out the supplies.  The one in charge of each homes functioning, usually the woman, thanked us, smiled, bowed, or kneeled as we gave them our offerings.  But it wasn’t linear.  It was here and there and it seemed like we were missing about every fourth home.  Sometimes we’d go in a circle then back to a home that we passed by earlier.  Other times, we didn’t find anyone home so someone would yell and the woman of the home would come running from somewhere and kneel down out of breath.  Once we had gone through three quarters of the supply we assembled back at the vehicle to regroup.  I asked about homes we missed and I couldn’t get an answer.  There was confusion.  We still had two more large sections to cover and it was obvious that not only did we miss some homes but were not going to get to the rest of the community.  It never feels right if some get gifts at Christmas and while others don’t. 

At this point every cell in my white western muzungu brain was gasping for oxygen when it became clear that the execution of the distribution was going sideways.  There were not 100 homes but probably 175 by my estimation and we were leaving unhappy customers in our wake.  This phenomenon had happened before but that’s why we had the ‘counter’! 

I don’t know why it bothers me so much.  The Ugandans who guided us through this distribution did not seem bothered in the least.  Their attitude was, ‘well we may not have gotten to everyone but at least we got to most’.  For some reason it sounds reasonable but it doesn’t feel right.  I was doing breathing exercises in the practice of relinquishment on the drive home.  I needed it to work properly.  I needed it to be organized.  I needed each home to be visited.  I needed it to be fair.  I needed it to be equitable.  When we dropped off our Ugandan helpers I was frustrated with the process.  I have slowly shed my attachment to it working as I wanted it to.  These distributions are not meant to be any kind of serious solution to the poverty these families are living in.  They are offerings that give us a reason to meet them, greet them, and let them know that we see their need. 

Since then I have come to realize that this is a factor in many of the things I am doing.  I don’t think any of it is really ‘fair’.  Who gets and who doesn’t?  It’s not fair at all and so the impulse is to pull back and say if it can’t be done cleanly with sustainability then don’t do it at all.  Ugandans are here to teach me a few things about living.  Even now as I write there are some guest house staff laughing and finding pleasure in their work.  They are taking life with a grain of salt.  They are taking it as it comes. 

By the way, today was also reminder that when applying sunscreen the ears should never be taken for granted. 

I have to say after night of letting the experience trickle down…having the privilege of going home to home amongst those who are suffering is really a place of honour for me and I can too quickly think only of the logistics.  I’m not sure there is anything quite like it…